I am suddenly realizing that I am facing a crossroads in my life.
Now you’re probably thinking, “But Rowena, you know you’re staying at UMD for your doctorate! Nothing is really changing, it’s all the same!” And yes, at first glance, nothing really is changing, everything is peachy keen, and things are pretty much going to be the same for the next couple of years.
So why am I feeling so anxious about my life and what the future holds?
For as long as I could remember, I have always been a planner: I had a set list of what I needed to do, and I would work my butt off until I got what I wanted. Being very motivated and driven with my relentless, type-A, perfectionist personality always helped me be successful. But lately, I’ve been feeling like I am losing steam, and I think I am starting to waver in that passion for life that I have had inside of me for over 20 years. Where is it going, and what is happening? When did I become so jaded, and why aren’t I enjoying the great many things I have going for me? And finally, why am I suddenly finding myself questioning the life choices I am making for myself?
Now don’t get me wrong – as per my previous blog post, I know deep down I am choosing the right path for myself. At least I feel that this is certain. But I think I fear what lies ahead, and more importantly, what I might have to sacrifice to get to where I know I am meant to be. Sure, I know I will be at UMD pursuing my Ph.D. degree for the next 3-4 years. But at what cost? And, though another degree is definitely on the horizon, where will I eventually end up by the time this is all over?
Two of my favorite mentors tried to put this all into perspective for me. I need to take things a day at a time. Really, it’s all about balance. The fact that I know that I will be in school for at least another couple of years is more than most people my age know in terms of where they’re going and what they’re doing. And yes, although planning ahead is good for some things, other times I need to learn to just let things be. Instead of stressing out and worrying so much about what the future holds, shouldn’t I just sit back, have some fun and enjoy the ride?
I have been struggling with this for so long, this achieving balance. But in reality, I know that I need to do this in order to maintain my sanity, in order to refresh my soul – and in order to gain back that passion and desire for life that truly defines who I am.
But what about you? What do you do to achieve a balance in your life? How do you know when you need to plan ahead, and how do you know when you just need to let things be?
Hi Rowena
Just a couple of things-
First, a lot of folks see balance as being a pie chart (30% professional time, 20% family, etc). In actuality, true balance isn’t a static formula, but rather a dynamic, ongoing process
When you were a child, did you ever stand in the middle of a teeter totter? Your feet went up and down(49/51, 60/40,) but were only occasionally perfectly level
That’s balance, and when we realize that it works that way in life too, things get better
Also, you’re in your 20s, right?
That’s a natural time for the “who am I/where am I going?” questions. Most folks get them around then
Take a deep breath. You’re going to be fine
Good fortune
Catherine
Foresight
By: foresightyourctpsychic on June 4, 2010
at 2:11 pm
Catherine,
You made a really good point – achieving balance isn’t a static notion, it’s an ongoing, dynamic process that will most likely shift and change as time passes. And being that I’m still young (yes, I’m in my 20s) I need to recognize that all things are not entirely set in stone. And to be okay with that!
Thank you so much for the comment and for the great words of wisdom. I’ll definitely keep this in mind as I continue on my journey.
By: Rowena Briones on June 4, 2010
at 3:00 pm
You’re welcome Rowena.
It’s a good idea to acknowledge that things aren’t set in stone (and not just in your 20s- heck, I’m in my 50′s and stil re-invnting myself).
Just work on your own center (spirituality can help here,as can knowing yourself). It’ll help with your blance
Catherine
Foresight
By: foresightyourctpsychic on June 5, 2010
at 1:52 pm
Rowie – I have been going through such a similar thing recently. It’s a scary transition from post-college youth into your mid-twenties – am I taking the right steps to change my formative years into a more permanent state of being? All I can think of is that we have to trust in the universe that it knows what we’re doing, and we have to trust ourselves that ultimately we know what we’re doing.
To get to a place of balance, most of the time, I literally have to force myself to stop thinking about it. I pray a little, and I plan out the literal next step, and then I push it aside. I find it’s the best way to go. Alternately, I talk to my mom. Or I run. I don’t know if you’re religious, but God helps me sort out my veritable SEA of thoughts.
You can do it. You’re awesome. Just trust yourself!
By: Lili on June 4, 2010
at 2:14 pm
Lili, you’re absolutely right – I should stop worrying so much and try to think of other things – things that make me happy and literally keep me going.
Unfortunately I am not as religious as I once was, but I do believe that spirituality is important in times of great need. So I do like to clear my head, take a deep breath, and really contemplate what I should consider to be the important things in my life.
And of course, talking about it helps. I definitely have my core support system that I turn to when I need to vent and let it all out.
Thanks so much for the comment, and please feel free to let me know if you ever need help with your life transitions.
By: Rowena Briones on June 4, 2010
at 3:07 pm
Rowena,
Balance is easier said than done. Heck, I’m still trying to find a balance. That being said, don’t get so overwhelmed by what you have in front of you. It is all manageable in some way.
When I feel things are getting out of my hands, I stop and then gather my thoughts, feelings, and ideas. I find it’s easier to tackle things when I’ve “reset” myself.
Keep your head up and as clear as possible. You are on the right path!
Best,
Jason
By: jasmollica on June 4, 2010
at 2:56 pm
Jason,
It’s so true – balance is definitely easier said than done, and it continues to be an ongoing struggle for me.
At some point I did think I was a bit overwhelmed. But luckily, it is now the summer, and hopefully I can take this time to take a step back, breathe and relax. I’m seeing this entire summer as time to “reset” and recharge, as you so eloquently put it.
As always, I appreciate your support and advice. Thank you for the comment, and I look forward to more words of wisdom from you in the future!
By: Rowena Briones on June 4, 2010
at 3:11 pm
I just wrote about who I call, “The Fast Starters” and I feel that you are feeling the same thing- really all of us need to move at different speeds because we are all after different things despite being in the same place in life.
Also I still need to get you performing down here someday!
By: Dmbosstone on June 9, 2010
at 12:36 pm
That’s such a good point – I should recognize that not everyone moves at the same pace – I don’t need to compare myself to others because my experience is unique in itself. It may seem like others my age are going in a different direction, but I should just take stock in what I deem to be important and just take it from there!
Thanks so much for the comment! And YES, let’s please set up a day for me to come by the theatre – I would love to get involved in any way possible!
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at 2:49 pm
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