I am currently in the process of trying to lose some weight.
It all started when I was noticing my clothes from days of undergrad at TCNJ were no longer fitting me as a graduate student. When I went on to play Wii Fit and the damn thing called me overweight for my size. When I was getting comments from my mother that I was getting heavy, which resulted in a huge fight and me sobbing in my bedroom.
What actually pushed me toward making changes, however, was when my doctor alerted me to my cholesterol getting high. Well, I already wrote a post about that, so I won’t reiterate all the details here, but basically that gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to start exercising and eating healthier. And so I did – I was going to the gym several times a week and trying to make healthier food choices.
And then, here is where we cue in…ballroom dancing. Not only did it help enhance my social life, but it was an amazing workout. Dancing 5-7 days a week for 2-3 hours a day can really do wonders for your body. Couple that with trying to eat healthier and you can find yourself toward a path of smaller pant sizes (which actually did happen, much to my amazement and happiness).
But alas, I have once again found myself in a terrible spiral of low self-esteem and self loathing. I have been home for winter break for the past 3 weeks and have fell out of the routine. I was eating terribly (thank you holiday foods of deliciousness, but fattiness), I was hardly exercising, and I was avoiding the scale at all costs. Let’s just say that I was panicking a little when the new, smaller sized pants I had just bought over Thanksgiving break were getting a little tight. Add that to the fact that I was the biggest sized bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding party at David’s Bridal and you get a lady who’s feeling a little down and depressed.
I think someone may have noticed my feelings of despair, because lo and behold, when I was randomly asked to go to Barnes & Noble with my sister and some friends I decided to buy Portia de Rossi’s book, Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain. Wow. Talk about putting things into perspective. Portia was exactly my age when she collapsed on a movie set from the way her anorexia had taken a toll on her body. It was a difficult but inspirational read – I couldn’t believe the extremes Portia went through to achieve the 82 lbs. she so desperately thought she needed to be accepted by her mother and by Hollywood. I read the book in two nights, I simply could not put it down.
Ok so maybe I don’t have an eating disorder (I hate throwing up and I love food way too much to try to starve myself) but it did made me realize that maybe I shouldn’t be so hard about myself with this weight thing. Sure, I probably could spare to lose a few pounds, but I would never want to get obsessed over it to the point where I no longer enjoy life and food. I’m not saying that I’m now gonna go overboard and eat ice cream and french fries everyday, but maybe I should give myself a little more credit than I have been. I mean, in just 6 months I’ve already lost about 12 lbs., which my nutritionist says is a healthy rate. And pretty soon I’ll be back to ballroom dancing 5-7 days a week again, so that will be a great activity that will be good for my body (and my soul).
So I want to thank Portia de Rossi for sharing her story, and for helping me to see that I don’t need to be super thin to be successful and loved. I’m still working on staying healthy and fit, which will be an ongoing process, but I know that I don’t need to go to any extremes. Portia’s story made me realize that in order to be healthy and happy, I have to love me first, even if it does come with a few extra pounds.
